I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
