soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
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so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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