Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
