Already got asked if we're dating
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
