The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
