Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
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just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize