We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
