I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
