I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
