i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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