He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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