if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
