guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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