I am in a vortex of obligation.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
