Its about making memories worth repressing
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Text me some of your sweat
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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