You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
sex in a hospital.. check
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
