We won't sleep together?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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