I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
