It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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