my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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