I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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