Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
