in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
