Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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