Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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