We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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