My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
