this boner is exhausting
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
jump out the window naked night went bad
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
