Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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