I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
