My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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