Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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