That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize