Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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