Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
