i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
