I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
