How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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