i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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