when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
