thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
