How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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