So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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