You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
