I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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