Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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