He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
