I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
