Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
