I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
