I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
