oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
