i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
