if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
