Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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