Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
