I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
