guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
