census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
