I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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