Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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