theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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