I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
