It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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