i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
