In the future we'll all be gay
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
