when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
