thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
