Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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