Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
