So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
