when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
