I accidentally had phone sex last night
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
