Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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