Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
